How full is your piggy bank?
I’m noticing a trend with the start-up Leaders that I’m coaching. When we are discussing the areas in which they want to improve, “acknowledging their team members” and “celebrating wins” comes up pretty often. Many find that they are so busy dealing with the fast paced demands of the job, that focusing on what the team is doing well is not consistently acknowledged or missed all together. So much time is spent on improving performance… not enough time is spent on honoring what is going well.
In my honest opinion, it is foolish if you don’t make time for acknowledging your people. It is free, simple and an effective tool to transform culture. (psst - little secret here - it can transform you personal relationships too!)
Let me explain. The brain is a fascinating thing. I’ve spent the past 9 months understanding and experiencing how our brains work in regards to positive and negative thinking. (shout out to Positive Intelligence) One of the most amazing things I’ve learned is that the human brain amplifies negative thoughts and reactions at least 3x as much as positive ones.
So, every time you have a negative interaction with someone, it will take 3 positive interactions to neutralize that negative impact. Pretty interesting, right? Positive Intelligence describes it as a piggy bank. For every positive interaction with someone, you deposit 1 coin in your relationship piggy bank. For every negative interaction, you withdraw 3 coins from your relationship piggy bank.
Think about an important relationship that is feeling strained right now. Was your last interaction negative? Negative reactions cause the other person to feel: blame, criticism, shame, guilt, fear, etc. If this is a common occurrence, every time you engage with them, the other person is expecting to receive this negativity. And then it becomes a negativity ping pong match. Back and forth. Back and forth. Fun times.
So, how can you remember to express appreciation when things get busy or it seems like the piggy bank is way overdrawn?
Be courageous — it can be uncomfortable and vulnerable to make the first step here. Do it anyway. Start small. This doesn’t have to be a gushing declaration. Simple things that show gratitude or appreciation will do.
Make it a habit — attach it to something that is already happening regularly.
For example, in your weekly 1:1 with an employee, start the meeting with telling them something good that you noticed. Build that into your meetings - every single week. My prediction is that over time THEY will start coming to the meeting with things going well. And THEY will start doing that with their team. Everyone’s piggy bank will be brimming with coins.
On a personal note, you can do this at the dinner table with your spouse or family. At the end of the week, take turns saying one thing that you appreciated about them this week. Again, It doesn’t have to be monumental. Ex: “Good job sharing with your sister” or “Thanks for doing the dishes.” Friday pizza nights will never look the same.
Positive reinforcement strengthens future behavior. We can create a culture of appreciation versus a culture of disengagement. Which one would you rather work or live in?
I appreciate you for reading this. See, it’s easy. :)
If you have comments or reactions that you want to share, I’d appreciate that too!
