Hello April. Chapter 4 of 12.
Is it strange to say ‘hello April’ on the 20th of the month? Maybe...but I’m just going with it. It’s been a busy month and I haven’t been writing as much. However, I’m committed to getting these monthly posts done. Especially because I love the concept of writing these chapters (chapter 4 of 12). It slows down time for me. It makes me reflect on what the month has in store and what I want from it. Even with 11 days left, I can still create a habit or do the thing that I’ve been saying I’m going to do.
April means ‘to open’ and it brings us the opening of flowers & trees, the opening of warmer weather, and, for my husband, the best day of the year - the opening of boating season.
Before meeting him, I never considered myself a boat person. My version of a boat ride was taking the NYC Waterway Ferry to Ikea in Brooklyn. (Which I actually only did twice in my 18 years living in NYC.)
It’s not that I don’t like being on the water -- I actually do love it. It’s calming, spacious, fun and envigorating! However, what I’ve learned about myself through boating is that I don’t like the unpredictability. I’ve been out way too many times when the wind picks up and the forecasted 1-2’ swells turn into 4-5’. Things become a little more intense... the hull slams down in between waves ...I tense up which sends shocks through my body...and I start the internal dialogue that sounds a lot like “oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god”
It’s the beauty, power and personality of the ocean. I picture her laughing, having fun, stirring things up and testing the boatmanship of all of the Grady Whites on her surface. I also see my husband accepting the challenge, getting focused and ready for the ride home.
It’s a huge metaphor for life. How do we handle the unpredictability of life? Lord knows we’ve seen that in the past year. Are we able to get focused? Or are we drowning in the ‘oh my gods’ and letting someone else take charge?
During these moments that are testing my husbands ability to get us home safely... it is testing mine for my level of openness, trust and the ability to ride the waves. I have to admit that most days of 4-5’ swells, I hold the same perspective of ‘This sucks, I’m scared and I want to go home.’ I breathe a huge sigh of relief when we get back to the dock.
One way that I help my clients, is by coaching them to see new perspectives to their situations. Most people can see a new perspective easily... but its a lot harder to try it on... test it out... and actually believe it. It’s WAY more comfortable to believe the thing that we’ve always believed.
I knew that I wanted a new perspective on those days out on the water. I also didn’t want the fear to creep in on a perfect 80 degree day b/c of the “what ifs”... that just creates anxiety.
So, I tried on a new perspective last summer. And, of course, it was inspired by a 5 year old. My best friends daughter came out on the boat with us. It was her first time on a boat. She sat in the front and repeatedly yelled “This is so fun!, This is so scary!, This is so fun!, This is so scary!”
Soon, the “This is so scary” melted away... and it turned into “This is so fun, go faster!” And just like that it hit me.
We don’t have to clutch our perspectives like a life preserver -- especially if they are based in fear. We need to challenge them. We also don’t have to abandon them outright. Let’s aim for progress, not perfection. We can have two perspectives at the same time and slowly let the one that is based in openness take hold.
I’m excited for boating season. I expect some rough seas. I also expect my old and new perspective to be friends... until the fear melts away.
